Workbook and group programme

SundPartner– out of relational dependency

For you, who give more than you receive. Who sense other people's moods before your own. And who have begun to wonder where you yourself went.

Join the waiting list and you will be first to get it when it is published.

Being set up as a group under Programmes & Communities.

Does this sound familiar?

You say yes, even when everything in you says no.
You feel responsible for other people being well – and guilty when they are not.
You can read the mood of a room in a second, but struggle to feel what you need yourself.
You stay in relationships that drain you, because being alone feels worse.
You cover up, apologise for, or try to control someone else's drinking, spending or behaviour.
You are tired in a way that sleep does not fix.

If you are nodding, you are not alone – and there is nothing wrong with you.

It is not a character flaw

Many call it codependency. I call it relational dependency, because it is rarely about just one person or one addiction. The pattern is typically learned very early: when a child cannot be itself and feel safe at the same time, it learns to adapt, help, anticipate and hold things together. It was a clever solution back then.

In adult life, the same solution becomes a trap. You lose touch with your own feelings, needs and boundaries – and many end up in relationships where their very ability to adapt is what is needed. The good news: what has been learned can be learned differently.

What is a SundPartner?

A SundPartner is a person who can be close to another person without abandoning themselves – and be themselves without leaving the relationship.

It is not about becoming flawless, independent or hard. It is about being able to need others without losing yourself. About saying a genuine yes and a genuine no. About letting others carry their own responsibility. And about giving out of desire – not out of fear of loss.

SundPartner is not only about romantic relationships. You can be a healthy partner for your child, your parents, your friends and your colleagues. And first of all for yourself.

The workbook

SundPartner – out of relational dependency

A professional and personal workbook of about 55 pages that takes you from understanding to action:

Part I – understanding the pattern: attachment, the nervous system, shame, the drama triangle and family roles.
Part II – the way home to yourself: self-worth, the body, boundaries, anger, grief and the authentic yes and no.
Part III – 24 exercises you can do alone, with a therapist or in a group.
Boxes for professionals with a clinical background, and references.
A resource list with help in Denmark – including in cases of violence and control in relationships.

PDF for immediate download after payment. Price and final format will be announced when the book is published – you will be the first to hear if you are on the waiting list.

About me

My name is Knud Thorbjørn Hansen. I am a psychotherapist, somatic trauma therapist and development consultant. Since 2013 I have worked with people in addiction and with those close to them. Again and again I have seen that family members carry at least as much – and that their way out does not lead through more control, but through finding their way home to themselves.

About Knud

Frequently asked questions

Is it only for relatives of someone with an addiction?

No. Many recognise the pattern without being close to an addiction – in a relationship, with parents, children or at work. The workbook is about the pattern, regardless of who it is directed at.

Is relational dependency a diagnosis?

No. Neither codependency nor relational dependency is a diagnosis. It is a descriptive term for a learned pattern – and that is exactly why it can change.

Can I use the workbook on my own?

Yes. It is written so you can use it at your own pace. Many get the most out of it together with a therapist or in a group.

What if there is violence or threats in my relationship?

Then your safety comes first. Contact Lev Uden Vold (Live Without Violence) on +45 1888 (open around the clock) – or 112 in case of acute danger.

I am a professional – can I use the book in my work?

Yes, the workbook has special boxes for professionals. Contact me about use with clients or in teaching.

Join the waiting list

You do not have to wait until it gets worse. Your turning point can begin now – with one small step home to yourself.

Your turning point can begin now – with one small step home to yourself.